Lightly child, lightly

It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling...

ALDOUS HUXLEY

Joanna <j***********@gmail.com>	8/22/15
to me

swing into the crack
climb
swim
old person
one piece of food
cave painting
animals
dancing
nap
out of the crack
into the world

Sent from my iPhone

Small Axe

I'll be forever lovin' Bob.

The apples have fallen it's time to make pie.

An old screenshot I found

I started today off like a champ (albeit a pathetic version).  I shredded three years worth of demands and warrants for excise tax bills I had paid and kept in a filing cabinet for five years.  I extracted all of the articles, photos, and memories from yesterday that I've hidden around my life like acorns in a tree.  I put them all in their respective piles.  It is wintertime, and I am hungry.  I woke up one morning and I realized I had everything I wanted.  All of my attainable dreams had come true.  Good job (title) in a field I love (because I have accepted my life as a frustrated artist); working in a town on the Maine coast (with no money for a boat); big beautiful dog (who bites), stone fur cat who's perfect (but I can't get ride of his fleas), a handsome, intelligent, caring, funny boyfriend who makes me feel like a queen (who's broke in the middle of pass due 180).

Fresh air (dukkha), blue sky (dukkha), sweet flower (dukkha)

Mama hug (dukkha) papa kiss (dukkha) siblings laugh together (dukkha)

How can I stop this dance (without trying).  I
Have
Every
Piece
Except Me
Sh-t!
There it goes again.

_________

It really is
five
easy pieces

I hope that's not a porn movie....
I think it has Jack Nicholson in it...
and if it doesn't, well, they screwed up...
He's in the book I've been reading since August...
McMurphy, except I think McMurphy's more broad chested,
Like Buzz Light Year....

I look forward to the new year.
Sweeping up the detritus and dust of my past, so I can hunker down and figure out which direction I should decimate now.  But maybe as I walk through the debris it will clean the dukkha off the bottom of these shoes. i would love to walk a mile in dukkhaless shoes.  Take a walk with me.

an '06 poem

god bless america

     I’m full!

3000,004 course meal

and i feel a bit

like i could eat

             some more

for no other reason than

I can. American.

Americans can do that.

      If they choose, 

if they don’t get bogged 

         down by the

poor man’s blues

       and refuse to

take it up the proverbial 

          ass

It’s a class thing, really

      with the pitching and

          the catching

but what if you don’t like baseball

       or anal sex?

Blogdenity

These days what we do is mush words up together to make new ones. It's a trend.  It's trending.  Some examples are bromance, ........... and blogdenity.  Blogdenity is the idea that you are your blog. You are the same thing as your digital imprint.  At first it seemed like having a blogdenity was optional, and even private.  You could craft and experience the internet world without a fear of leaving the snail trail of your mind in an everlasting binary, to be saved, exploited, potentially used against you, certainly used to make inferences about you from afar, let alone allow for keyword searching of your mind to anyone who knows you or is close enough to inquire. 
     Are we our blogdenity, do we have two identities?  How do we reconcile our "online identity" with our real selves.  Is talking to no one while simultaneously talking to everyone with the potential to be heard by no one a communication process the mind and body can actually internalize?  Has the internet brought us closer to ourselves? each other? both?  If I think back on emails I've written, blog posts, google searches, facebook messages, tweets, photo up loads, i'm fucking blogging on blogger right now, there is basically a trace of a growing portion of my life, interest, and thoughts that's left an imprint.  Now, is it insane to all of a sudden feel naked.  Realizing that it may be possible to reproduce anything you've ever written on the internet since 1998, or earlier. Or for young ones, everything, ever.  Blogdenity may be the first thing the oligarchy tries to overtake in its subclass.  As we become increasingly used to all being voyeurs, and then in way, voyeurs of ourselves (What do I look like to people?  What am I projecting) then maybe someday we might lose our ability to step back, to separate our minds and experiences form our digital representation of them.  Then, incrementally, our pasts can be altered. Or worse, the plug could be pulled.  Can we survive without this outlet for narcissism, self reflection, self effacement, self promotion?  Are we already robots?

ni·hil·ism

noun \ˈnī-(h)ə-ˌli-zəm, ˈnē-\

: the belief that traditional morals, ideas, beliefs, etc., have no worth or value

: the belief that a society's political and social institutions are so bad that they should be destroyed

shakedown

-->

No note

No nothing

Not even a cordial text

We had had problems

I know

I was trying to understand her

Feed her

But always missing

Because I was afraid

Afraid to follow her

Wherever she went,

So whimsical she was

I didn’t trust her

Thought she was naïve

Let’s go to Montana

Who cares?

Society is violent

Just leave it

Freedom is

Free will without apology

It sounds good to be secure

Secure in what

Get on a horse, a bike, anything

To get those windy locks

You detest the four walls

You refuse to leave

What’s to lose

If nothing is permanent

You can’t

Actually

Fuck up your life

From where I sit

It’s already fucked up

Lethargic half-assed nods

Towards ever distant dreams

Obligations

Tentative, cautious, gentle love

Your…

Job

The one you were

So happy to get

That leaves you empty

More wistful than alive

To a precipice of abandon

Follow me out of here

Follow me away into youthful mistakes

Into trust

Into the lives of strangers

And dirt, dead ends, and poverty

You cannot serve people

If you’ve forgotten

Happiness

Bitterness will pickle you

It’s already begun

Because you’ve purchased

Handcuffs you say you don’t have the keys to

I see them in your hand

I’ve got a set too

But you cry

Stuck

Preferring to feel hopeless

Easier than honesty

Let’s go to the country

You’ve always wanted to

I will take you there

I will stay with you

But I am feeling wonderlust

And cannot watch you languish

Honor the road

Or here we part

It doesn’t have to be good bye

schuman ma

workin out

zzzzzzzz

suck sweet breaths from the air
in the public balance
of negligence and care
easing out of youth is
unfortunately austere
shits just boring now
and we must try not to swear
dinner dates and disappointments
unflattering slacks
and tights with no runs
early nights and merely drunk
a television series hunk
makes the conversation
eyes glazed over words re: work
everyone's a fuckin' jerk
merging interstates expose
at 9 and 5
the ones to loath
the cutters
as the horns, they blow
just like being an adult does

some songs

sometimes i just let
i like to
on purpose
make my heart break
put on a song
from a long gone time
one that i loved with someone
who i don't know now
listen and savor the twist
in my chest
let it hurt
so i'm sure, at least
i've still got it

after gram